Brains and Brawn
by Kii Reyth
Summary: A series of one-shots (and the occasional continuation of a chapter) about Humanity's Strongest and Humanity's Smartest and their odd friendship. At the beginning of each chapter I'll post a short summary, ships involved, ratings, etc. Had a lot of fun writing these and I hope you guys enjoy them! Please rate and review! There is foul language. I mean, it's Levi.
1. The Naked Truth

**The Naked Truth.**

 **Levi's breakfast is disturbed by some news about his stupid friend and how she continues to disturb the brave men and women of the Survey Corps.**

 **Rated T for language.**

* * *

Levi didn't like being disturbed at breakfast, and everyone knew it.

It was the only time of the day he had to himself. He ate separately from the others, usually a sparse breakfast of some toast and black tea. It was his quiet time, the way he got ready for a day of insubordinate brats and annoying comrades. No one dared bother humanity's strongest during his breakfast.

Which is why he knew _someone_ was being stupid again when a frightened looking recruit entered the room.

"E-excuse me, sir," he stammered, shifting and sweating. "There's a . . . _situation_."

Levi sighed, standing. He didn't even have to ask. "Where is she?"

He followed the nervous recruit towards the courtyard where the Titan experiments were held. People were muttering and shifting around the outside of the courtyard. They stood at attention, though, when Levi joined them. His facial expressions didn't change, nor did his body language, but inside, he was a confused.

"What's the problem?" he asked.

"She – uh, well . . ." Moblit shifted his feet, looking uncomfortable.

Levi narrowed his eyes. "Why is everyone _outside_ the courtyard?"

"We didn't feel . . . uh . . . comfortable," one young recruit said.

Levi glared. " _Comfortable_?"

"Sir, please, just . . . do something," the scout who had come for Levi begged.

Levi sighed and walked past them, entering the Courtyard, and immediately saw the problem.

"Oi, shitty-glasses," he called, crossing his arms. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Levi!" Squad Leader Hange Zoe turned to Levi, completely naked besides for her glasses, and totally unfazed by Levi joining her. She stood completely comfortable, hands on hips and a large smile on her face. Levi only blinked.

"It's Sonny and Bean!" she exclaimed excitedly, bouncing towards him – literally. _For the love of Sina, she's going to give herself a broken nose with those things bouncing about like that_ , Levi thought in annoyance. She grabbed his hand, pulling him forward.

"Look at them!" she exclaimed. "They're struggling to get free!"

" _Tch_ , they're always doing that," Levi retorted, stepping towards the titans and glaring at the ugly bastards.

"No, no, they weren't!" Hange said, her voice rising in pitch as her excitement grew. "Because I'm naked!"

"Are you?" Levi asked without missing a beat. "I didn't even notice."

"Well, the others certainly did," Hange huffed, joining them and crossing her arms over her bare chest, only out of annoyance and not even a bit from modesty. "Would you believe they started leaving the second I took my shirt off?" She pushed some hair from her face. "But as I was saying – I'm naked, and their interest in me is significantly lower than it is when I wear clothes! Look, even now they're only concentrating on you! I think perhaps it has something to do with some sort of psychological reasoning that since they're all naked, if we are perhaps they see us as less of a threat."

"Since when do titans see humans as a threat?" Levi didn't budge, staring at the titan. It _was_ paying closer attention to him; as was the other one. Both their eyes were trained on Levi, completely ignoring Hange in her full, naked glory.

"But we don't know how titans think, Levi!" she reminded him. "Whatever the reasoning, without clothes they simply have no interest in us."

"Let one go and see if it still wants to eat you, then."

"Ha, ha."

"S-squad leader," Mobilt said as he entered with a few other awkward Scouts, averting his eyes from Hange. "The others are requesting that you please put some clothes on."

"What exactly are you even suggesting with this research?" Levi asked, ignoring the others.

"I think it would be easier for us to scout the land and make our way to Shiganshina if we all traveled naked," Hange said boldly, ignoring her assistant. "That way titans would have less interest in us."

"W-wha?!" Mobilt looked shocked.

Levi's expression didn't change. "We can't travel naked. We'll get saddle sores."

"We could put some cloth on the saddles . . ."

"Besides, pubic hair would easily be caught in the 3DMG," Levi pointed out.

Hange nodded, stroking her chin thoughtfully. "Yes, you're right. I suppose we could all shave . . ."

"Quite the budget for razors."

"We could use the money saved from not buying clothes to buy razors," she suggested.

"What would be heavier to carry in the carts, extra uniforms or crates of razors?"

"I suppose it would depend on how tightly we packed the razors into the crates."

"Wouldn't the more well-endowed women be rather uncomfortable traveling at quick paces without any support?" Levi asked thoughtfully. "That Ymir girl has quite the rack on her. She'd give herself a black eye."

"Perhaps some flesh colored bandages."

Mobilt and the Scouts stared, wide eyed and completely dumbfounded. Was this conversation actually happening?

"I'd rather not have any of my important bits exposed if we were to fight titans," Levi was saying. "I'd rather die than have a titan bite my dick off."

"There are worse things than losing a dick," Hange replied.

"Easy for someone without a dick to say. Maybe they don't give a damn if we're naked. Maybe these two are just sick of looking at your face."

"Good point. Mobilt, take your clothes off," Hange commanded.

"I – I – Corporal, do I have to?!"

"What the hell is going on down there?" Levi, Hange, and the others looked up to see Erwin leaning out of his office window. His eyes widened. " _Dammit_ , Hange! Where are your clothes?!"

"Erwin!" Hange smiled and waved, and Erwin turned a bright shade of red. "What sort of razor budget do we have?"

Erwin turned even redder. " _Levi!"_

"Yeah, I know," Levi sighed, and he grabbed Hange's arm. "Come on, shitty-glasses. Enough with the torture."

"I haven't touched Sonny or Bean today!"

"I was talking about the recruits."

"Where are we going?"

"You're already naked; it's time for your bath."

"Aww, Levi! I just had one last week!"

Mobilt watched as Levi dragged Hange back to the castle, Erwin slammed his window closed and muttered something to Mike about early retirement, and Jean, Armin, Eren, Connie, and Reiner all left their place from where they'd been watching at the window.

"This place is _awesome_ ," Connie said.

"This place is fucking weird," Jean said.


	2. Matchmaker: Part 1

**Matchmaker**

 **Hange gets a day off and spends it playing matchmaker. Levi is not amused.**

 **Rated T for language.**

* * *

Hange threw herself onto the bed, groaning dramatically into the pillow.

"Mandatory day off!" she laughed bitterly. "What a waste of time! I don't need a day off. I need to work. I need to move. I can't just sit still like this. How do you do it?"

"Get off my bed, you'll wrinkle the sheets," Levi remarked from where he sat at his desk, not looking up from his paperwork. "And take your damn shoes off. I just cleaned the floors."

Hange sighed and kicked her boots off, turning and laying on the bed upside down, her head hanging off the bed and watching Levi work upside down.

"What do you do on your day off?" she demanded. "Besides for cleaning."

"I keep to myself and don't bother my superiors," he remarked.

"Superior?! Since when are you my superior?! I was in the Scouts before you, you pipsqueak." She huffed. "This is torture! I should be spending the day with my titans! I was going to read to Sonny today." She slid her eyes towards him. "Hey, Levi. Want me to read to you?"

"No," he replied, still not being bothered to look up.

Hange sighed with boredom. After a few moments there was a knock on the door.

Levi sighed. "What?"

The door opened, and Petra stood there. "Hey, Captain," she said, polite and friendly. She held some papers in one hand, a mug of steaming tea in the other. She waved the papers. "Erwin asked me to bring these to you. He needs to send a progress report on Eren to the inner walls tomorrow and since he's your, um, protégé, Erwin wants you to fill them out."

Levi sighed. "Fine. Put them there on the desk."

"Sure thing. And here." She sat the tea in front of him. Levi had to remind himself that Petra was, in all honestly, his favorite from his squad, and that he should thank her. He looked at her, giving a nod – as close to a "thank you" as he got – and Petra smiled.

"See you, Captain," she waved. "Hi, Hange."

"Hey, Petra," Hange said glumly as the young woman left. She waited for several long moments, watching Levi fill out forms and sip at the tea. Hange turned right side up, the blood rushing to her head, and sat on his bed cross legged. "She's a sweet girl."

"Mm."

"And very pretty," Hange said.

Levi sounded suspicious. "She's alright, I guess."

"And she is a great cook," Hange continued, on a roll. "And I've seen her room. She keeps it really clean. You know, I think just about everyone around here has a crush on Petra. She's kind and good looking and can kill titans with the best of them. Nothing better than a woman like that. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, eh? In fact –"

"For fucks sake, Hange, spit it out," Levi snapped, annoyed with her rambling.

Hange shrugged innocently. "I've just noticed that you're not exactly getting any younger, Levi. And Petra would make a good partner. I'm sure she'd be open to the idea of marriage. I can see the wedding now. Erwin could officiate, Arlet could be the flower boy. Petra'd look quite pretty in a dress, don't you think? And I know you have a nice suit around here somewhere. And another plus is you're taller than her – _barely_ – but I know that would help boost your ego. Honestly, a wedding wouldn't be a hard thing to plan. I could actually have the whole thing ready to go before the next expedition. Eren would make an adorable groomsman, and I'd be your best woman of course. Mikasa and Christa could be bridesmaid, Sasha could cater . . . I've heard that Jean boy play a few tunes on a guitar, I'm sure he could find a good wedding song. Oh! And we could dress up Sonny and Bean. They'd look absolutely adorable in flower crowns, don't you think? Yes, the whole thing would come together quite nicely, huh?" She smiled brightly, looking at Levi, who just stared at her with slightly widened eyes for several long moments.

" _You_ marry her," he finally said, and returned to his paper work.

"Oh, believe me, I would," Hange nodded. "But I'm not her type. She's just not intense enough for me. I need somebody who can keep up with me. Someone who can listen to me ramble, and shut up and let me talk. Someone who doesn't mind space." She thought about it. "Basically, someone like you. Only taller."

Levi cursed, ignoring her. "What the hell do they need to know how many meals the shitty brat eats a day?!" he demanded, glaring at the paper. "How should I know? I don't feed the kid."

"Ask him," Hange said, jerking her thumb at the window. "He's in the yard, training."

Levi stood, heading for the window and leaning out of it slightly, finding the new recruits training. Eren was sparring with Mikasa, who was obviously going easy on him, but Levi decided not to call her out on it.

"Hey, brat," Levi called, and Mikasa and Eren stopped. Mikasa reached for her water while Eren looked up at Levi. "How many meals do you eat a day?"

"Oh." Eren looked very embarrassed. "About six, sir."

Levi's raised his eyebrows. "Six?! Who the hell eats six full meals a day?"

"His metabolism is very high due to his powers," Hange reminded Levi, her tone bored. "Six meals to him is like two for us. It's perfectly normal."

"Right," Levi frowned, looking back at Eren. "Well . . . just keep eating like that, then. And keep your fists up, your form is sloppy."

"Yes, sir!" Eren replied enthusiastically, saluting, and Levi retreated to his desk.

"What would you do without me?" Hange sighed dramatically, laying back on the bed.

"Finish my paperwork in peace."

She sighed again, and then tried to decide how to pursue her next topic. "Eren is mature for his age, don't you think?"

"He could be worse," Levi agreed, only half paying attention to her.

"And he's very strong," she continued. "But he respects you. So eager to please. It's refreshing, really, to see you with someone so sweet. Someone you can teach –"

"Don't even think about it," Levi said, not looking at her.

"I'm just saying," Hange continued. "In a few years, I can see him shaping up to be a lot like you. But not _too_ much like you. More of a balance, you know. His happy, fun attitude and your dry, crude one. And he's a good looking boy. Pretty eyes, nice smile."

"Stop."

"Of course I'm not _quite_ sure about Eren's, ah, _priorities_ , you know. I mean Mikasa seems to care for him but he also hangs out with Armin a lot so I suppose either one of those could mean something. Or nothing. I could just ask him, I guess. I could say it pertains to something to do with his titan form. Or something. I don't know, I'm good at improvising. I just feel like he'd be so enthusiastic in, you know, your alone time . . . "

"Would you shut up," Levi snapped. "Listen closely, shitty-glasses, I do not want to marry Petra, and I do not want to sleep with Eren! If I wanted to do either of those things, I would pursue them of my own accord instead of letting you sit around and play matchmaker. So, if you insist on staying and soiling my bed with your filth while I finished this paper work, I ask you do it in silence. If you can't cooperate, I will throw you out the damn window. Are we clear?"

"Sure," she yawned, staring out the window.

"Good." He returned to his paper work. For a while, the only sound was the noise from Levi's quill, and the noise of the recruits down in the yard. Hange twiddled her thumbs, counted the bricks in the wall, and cleaned underneath her nails. She sighed and scratched at her chin. After about a half hour, she couldn't stand it.

"Erwin is single," she said quietly.

Eren and the others looked up in shock when they heard a surprised scream, and a blur as something was thrown from Captain Levi's room. It took them a moment to realize it was Hange, and they watched in stunned silence as she landed perfectly in a large pile of hay, sinking into the straw.

Her head popped out of the large hay pile, straw sticking out of her hair as she grinned and waved at Levi's window.

"Great talk!" she called, and Levi slammed his shutters closed.


	3. Matchmaker: Part 2

**Matchmaker, Part Two.**

 **A few days after the window incident, Hange finds herself needing a favor from our favorite Captain. Turns out, he's totally fine with it. Erwin, on the other hand . . .**

 **Rated T for language and Levi's shitty ideas.**

* * *

"No," Levi said when the door to his room opened and Hange came in.

"Levi," she started.

"You're not allowed in here anymore," he told her firmly, trying to push her out the door. "Stupid shitty-glasses. I'm not playing your matchmaking games today. It's my day off."

"I need a favor is all," she said. "Help me out and I promise I'll never bother you in your room again."

That sounded amazing. Levi loved being alone. He liked quiet. He liked clean. He liked calm. Hange was none of these things, yet she still somehow managed to spend more time in Levi's room than Levi did.

"What's the favor?" he asked cautiously.

"Nothing big," she said nonchalantly. "Just tell everyone we're sleeping together."

Levi blinked. Why on earth would he think it would be a normal request? Why did he think it would be something like lending her a book or trading a training shift?

"Why?" was all he could finally ask.

"Oh," she said, as though she'd conveniently forgot to mention it. "It's this new Scout member who just transferred over from the Garrison. He's totally and completely enamored with me. Normally I'd just beat the hell out of him but I got into a lot of trouble last time I did that. So I figured if word got around that I was involved with _the_ Captain Levi, Humanity's Strongest blah blah, he'd back off."

"Hange," Levi sighed, crossing his arms and leaning against the door jam. "You really seem to think people are far more scared or me than they actually are."

Hange raised an eyebrow and looked out the door. "You!" she said, pointing to Connie Springer, who was walking with Sasha Blouse.

"Yes, Squad Leader?" Connie asked, looking nervously at her, then at Levi.

"Captain Levi thinks you did a horrible job cleaning the upstairs men's lavatory!"

All the color drained from Connie's face. "He-he does?" He looked at Levi, swallowing. Levi didn't even blink, just watching.

"I suppose you could leave it the way it is," Hange remarked. "But you should know, its Captain Levi's favorite bathroom. It's the only place he feels comfortable when he's constipated. Sure, it looks clean, but it just doesn't _feel_ as clean as it could be."

"I – I'll go do it over right away!" Connie exclaimed, looking horrified, and he gave a full salute to Levi, and Sasha followed suit.

"Hurry!" Hange exclaimed. "He ate a lot of red meat today!"

Connie and Sasha ran, tripping over each other to get upstairs.

Hange looked at Levi pointedly, and the man knew she was right.

"Besides," Hange continued. "You made it clear you have no interest in anyone here, and I certainly don't. So who cares if people think we're messing around?"

She had a point, Levi thought. And maybe this was a good idea. People were always knocking and bothering him on his days off. If people thought his door was closed for a reason, they'd leave him alone.

"Alright," he agreed.

"Really?! Woo-hoo! Thanks, Levi!" she laughed. "Hey, before I go, do you have that botanist book you said I could borrow?"

"On the night stand," Levi said, and Hange headed for his bed.

"Captain!" a newer recruit was suddenly at the door. "Sorry to bother you on your day off, but Erwin would like to speak to you. Something about extra paperwork. Then he wanted you to take over an extra training session. Also I think he said something about needing his office cleaned, but he may have been joking. Anyway, he wants to see you.

 _Dammit_ , Levi thought, annoyed _. My first day off in weeks and I get bombarded with this shit?_

Then he looked at Hange, who was sitting on the bed, leafing through the book.

Levi looked back at the recruit. "Go away," he said. "Can't you see Squad Leader Zoe and I are fucking?" He slammed the door in the recruits face. There was a moment of silence, and then footsteps down the hall.

Hange doubled over in laughter, holding her sides and rolling as tears streamed down her face. Even Levi had to give in to a little smirk; the look on the recruits face _had_ been priceless. Hey, maybe fake-screwing Hange was going to work great after all.

He grabbed a book of his own and sat on the bed, too. Hange calmed down after a few long moments, wheezing for breath, her face red from laughter. Levi handed her a handkerchief and she dabbed at her eyes.

Eventually, the two settled in, Levi laying on one end of the bed reading, Hange laying on the other side, flipping through the book. Levi had to admit, this was a little fun, hanging out with Hange, the closest thing he had to a friend, and being close enough that they could just sit in the same room together, reading and not talking. It was a little comforting to know he wasn't totally alone, and that he had someone to consider a friend.

"I didn't know mistletoe was poisonous," Hange remarked.

"Hmph," Levi replied. "Did you know there are caves inside the sea?"

"Interesting."

This was the most of any conversation they really had, mostly sitting and reading in silence, occasionally making a remark on an interesting fact or having a quick conversation about something.

After a while, there were loud footsteps down the hall.

"Commander, I told you, he said he and Squad Leader Hange were, uh, _preoccupied_."

"I highly doubt that," came Erwin's voice. "Sounds like a cop out for Levi to not do his paperwork."

"Sir, I don't think we should bother them."

"They have responsibilities just like the rest of us." Erwin banged on Levi's door. "Levi! Open up!"

"Stand on the bed," Levi whispered quickly, kicking his boots off.

"What?" Hange whispered, frowning and doing the same.

"Hurry!"

"Levi!" Erwin knocked again.

Levi stood and started jumping up and down on the bed. Hange, catching on, started doing the same, making the old bed squeak and groan with each bounce on the ancient mattress. Soon the only sound was the rhythmic squeaking of the mattress.

On the other side of the door, Erwin rolled his eyes. " _Seriously_?" he called. "I know what you two are doing, and it's not funny."

"Faster!" Hange yelled loudly, jumping up and down harder. " _Faster_ , Levi!"

"Oh, for the love of – come find me when you two _grow up!"_ Erwin snapped, stomping off.

"Hey, Kiersten!" the recruit from earlier called, running down the hallway. "You'll never believe what Hange and the Captain are doing!"

Levi and Hange fell back into a sitting position, and Hange was in another fit of laughter. This time, Levi smiled too.

"I don't think we fooled Erwin," she laughed.

"Well, at any rate, that recruit will spread rumors," Levi replied, reaching for his book. "I'm sure your admirer will hear soon."

Hange grinned. "You're just glad everyone is leaving you alone," she said as she gathered her things to leave.

"Hey," Levi called, and Hange turned to look at him. Levi gave a nod. "Thanks for a good fuck."

Hange grinned. "Anytime!" she waved, and left.

Levi shook his head, amused, and returned to his book. He frowned, though, when there was a knock at his door. Did Hange forget something?

But when he opened the door, it was the Springer kid, holding a large jar.

"Sir!" Connie said, holding out the jar. "I brought you some prunes, sir!"

Levi sighed. _Goddamn Hange._


	4. Attitude Adjustments

**Okay, so this features Eren more so than Hange, no slash.**

 **When Levi is sent to check on a Titan issue, he automatically assumes Hange is to blame. When he arrives at the scene he finds a bit more than what he bargained for and accidentally ends up bonding with a certain Titan in his own weird way.**

 **Rated T, once again, because Levi is Levi.**

Levi sat in the corner of Erwin's office, sipping from his teacup and reading a report from the inner wall on how if the Survey Corps didn't come up with something useful soon, they'd be cutting their funding – again. Levi personally had a few ideas for a letter to send back to Wall Sina, but he wasn't allowed to write response letters anymore.

Apparently, he had a "problem with authority" and needed a "severe attitude adjustment."

Erwin said that was a nice way of saying he was an asshole.

Erwin sat at his desk, writing a carefully worded response himself. There were no other sounds other than the scribble of his pen and the clank of china as he'd take a sip of his drink of choice, black coffee. It was practically silent.

Until there was a bright flash of lightening outside, and an unmistakable, ground shaking roar, along with birds squawking as they fled from the trees and a few screams of terror or shock from the Corps.

Erwin didn't flinch or look up from his letter. "Levi," he said.

Levi sighed, sitting his cup on the end table – sliding a coaster under it first, of course – and exiting the room. He grabbed his 3DMG, just in case, and left the castle, determined to find Hange and figure out what she did _this_ time.

"C-Captain Levi, sir!" a recruit said, saluting and falling into step with Levi, rushing to keep up with the smaller man's brisk pace.

"Explain what's going on here," Levi said, walking toward where the angry cry had come from.

"Well, it's Eren, sir . . ."

"Yes, that much I gathered," Levi said dryly. "What's the problem?"

"Well, sir, he seems to be . . . pouting."

Levi stopped, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep, calming breath.

"Where is Squad Leader Zoe?"

The recruit pointed, and Levi left him, heading towards Hange and trying to decide whether or not it would be worth it to drag her back to the castle just to throw her out the window again.

He was leaning toward yes.

"Oi, Shitty-Glasses," he called as he approached where she was standing, frowning and arms crossed.

She looked at him, sighing and looking put off. "Oh. Hi, Levi."

Levi joined her, following her glance to where a Titan-sized Eren was sitting, knees pulled up and elbows resting on them, holding his chin. Mikasa Ackerman was on his face, holding onto a strand of hair and trying to talk to him, but he seemed uninterested.

"What happened?" Levi demanded.

"From what I hear," Hange sighed. "During our training exercises, Eren and that Kiersten boy got into an argument and it turned physical – Artlet said Eren accidentally turned."

"And then?"

"Eren spent fifteen minutes chasing Jean, and finally caught him."

Levi didn't so much as blink. "Where is Kiersten now?"

Hange pointed, and Levi followed her gesture.

Sasha Blouse and Armin Arlet were using their 3DMG to climb up an exceptionally tall tree, were Jean was hanging by his jacket at the very top, flailing and yelling, promising he was going to flay Eren when he got down.

Levi had to stifle a small smile.

"So now what?" he asked, looking back at Eren.

"He won't change back."

"Won't, or can't?"

"How should we know? He's sitting over there all sullen and refusing to interact with anyone. Mikasa has been trying to get him to change back, but he's ignoring her." Hange looked at Levi and raised an eyebrow. "Maybe his mentor would be better suited to get through to him."

" _Tch_. I'm not his mentor," Levi sighed, walking towards Eren. "I'm his boss."

"Come on, Eren, you can't sit here and act like such a baby," Levi could hear Ackerman saying. "I know you're embarrassed about changing like that, but it's no big deal. No one's going to laugh at you."

Eren made a grumbling noise and looked away, and Mikasa sighed.

"Ackerman," Levi called, and a moment later Mikasa landed next to him.

"He's embarrassed," she said, looking from Levi to Eren. "Look at how red his face is. He hates changing without meaning to. And, well, he didn't exactly react so maturely to Jean's joke about not having, _ahem_ , genitals. So . . ."

"Yeah," Levi sighed. "Go help remove Kiersten from the tree. I'll deal with Jaeger."

Mikasa hesitated for a moment, but gave a nod and reluctantly left.

Levi wondered where in his resume it said "babysitter" as he walked towards Titan-Eren. He'd have to have a serious chat with Erwin about this. He was much more important than this, and those shit clowns back in Wall Sina should know as much.

Huh. Maybe he did have a problem with authority.

"Listen, brat," he said, coming to a stop in front of Eren and putting his hands on his hips. "You're already going to be cleaning the castle for three weeks for hanging a kid from a tree. Not to say it wasn't amusing. But if you don't change back right now, I'll make it three _months_."

Eren huffed and moved away from Levi.

"The hard way, then."

Levi shot into the air, landing on Eren's head moment later. He hopped down to his shoulder, and then to his right knee, turning to look into one huge, green eye.

"Level with me here, Jaeger – can you change back, or not?"

Eren didn't look at his superior, giving an awkward half shrug, half nod.

"So you _won't_ , then. Fantastic." Levi sighed for the billionth time that day and crossed his arms. "Ackerman says you're embarrassed with the situation here. Is that right?"

Eren looked away, but a bright red color crept into his massive cheeks.

Levi nodded. "I thought as much. I'm going to be honest with you, Eren – I'm just glad you didn't step on the kid. The only reason you're getting punished for this is because I have to look good for those moronic fucks in Wall Sina. They think I need an attitude adjustment."

A rumbling noise came from Eren's chest, and Levi realized he was chuckling. Levi allowed himself a small smirk as well. It _was_ pretty amusing at this particular moment.

"I guess we both have things to work on. Now, how about you turn back into a _regular_ sized shitty brat before I have to come up there and cut you out? I'll be beyond pissed if I have to get your blood on my hands."

Eren made a noise Levi was going to go ahead and interpret as agreeable, and jumped from Eren's knee, landing on the ground and stepping back. He waited a few moment before taking to the air again, landing on Eren's back. Eren was half emerged from the nape of the Titan's neck, and Levi grabbed his hand, pulling him up. He drew his sword a cut a few strands of flesh still attached to Eren's legs and hips, and Eren gave him a grateful nod, the areas around his eyes still burned and steaming.

Levi helped his trainee down, and Eren leaned against a tree for a moment as his Titan form dissolved. Levi watched the Titan disappear, wondering how he'd gone from killing Titans to talking them down.

"Come on," Levi said, pulling Eren's arm around his shoulder and wrapping his arm under Eren's, keeping him up. He had to take a moment to admire the fact the kid was still standing - he'd come a long way from that day Levi had first seen him. He began to walk, taking the exhausted kid back towards the castle for Hange to tend to.

"Thanks, Captain," Eren muttered, smiling, entire body exhausted.

"Don't mention it," Levi replied, not looking at him. "Seriously – keep our little heart-to-heart to yourself, Jaeger. I have an image to keep."

Eren laughed, and Levi smirked for just a moment as well.


	5. Useless Sentiment

**A short chapter about how even those so odd and different from the rest are still human. Wrote it when I was having feels.**

The small settlement of Kibō was maybe two miles across and three miles wide. Farmers, mostly, called the town home. It was known for producing an abnormal abundance of rice and wheat due to the extremely fertile soil. Fertile, but difficult. It took years to learn how to properly care for and harvest the crops, which was why the town had such a low population. It rained often and the houses had been built to withstand all sorts of harsh weather.

They had not been built to withstand titans.

Kibō was one of the first settlements destroyed after the breach of Wall Maria. Word had been sent from Shiganshina, but had never reached the settlement as it was a week's journey at a fast pace. Whether the messenger deserted, was killed, or perished in Kibō was unknown. The town was destroyed, crops trampled, animals escaped.

There was not a single survivor.

Levi was disgusted. Disgusted by the mess of the town, by the titans roaming around as though they owned the place. As he stood atop the roof of what was left of a temple, spots of blood steamed away from his cloak and swords from the abnormally tall variant type he'd just killed, he looked unblinking over what used to be a happy place to live. A few feet away, Eren Jaeger was helping Jean Kiersten up onto the roof. Both boys collapsed onto the roof, breathing heavily from the hell of a fight they'd just put up to take down a titan. They clasped hands in congratulations, no words exchanged, last week's argument forgotten for the time being.

There was no place for grudges out here.

The Scouts were catching their breath and checking supplies after taking care of the infestation of titans in the destroyed town. Erwin had declared this was as far as they'd go. They'd rest, take stock of the town, and return to the castle.

As Levi watched the Scouts, both recruits and seasoned warriors, he noticed his best friend missing and for a moment felt a quick pang of panic before remembering that if there was anyone as capable as him in the Scouting Regiment, it was Hange.

He jumped from the temple, landing quietly on the ground and walking through the streets. He stopped twice to clasp the hands of dying men and assure them they were an asset to humanity. One died before he could finish speaking. The other would live for another four hours before succumbing to fever and dying in agony.

Levi had searched all over for Hange when Erd pointed him in the direction she'd last been seen. Levi approached a small, half-destroyed house and found Hange staring at it. She was clasping a dirty, worn rag doll in her hands. Levi stood beside her, not saying anything.

Hange looked down at the doll. "I made this."

"That must be why it's so shittily made."

Hange smiled weakly at him before looking back at the doll.

"Family?" Levi asked, looking back at the house.

"Friends. I trained my first year and a half in the Scouts with Mischa. We were quite close, until he lost his left arm and half his sight on an expedition. He retired here with his wife Anne. I made this doll for their daughter Hannah. They're all gone now."

Her face was a mask, but Levi knew her well enough to tell she was hurting. Hange never talked about her personal life. Levi knew nothing about her family or friends, and knew minimal details about her life before the Scouts, other than that she was bullied in her life as bad as Levi was in his younger years. Now, standing here watching her mourn for real people, Levi sighed.

"Shitty-Glasses, sometimes I forget you're a real person."

"You too."

He nodded at the house. "Do you want to go in there?"

"No."

"Okay."

"Levi?"

"What?"

She hesitated. "I'm glad I have you."

Levi felt something he hadn't felt in a long time. The last time he'd loved anyone as much as he loved Hange, both of them ended up dead, and he still blamed himself every day for it. The thought of being capable of caring for someone the way he'd cared for them terrified him, but also comforted him.

"Levi?"

"What?"

"Say something nice back."

"I'm glad you have me, too."

"Ha-ha. It'll do, I suppose." Hange turned back to the house, laying the doll down on the doorstep before turning. "Now!" she said, her voice returning to its normal, cheerful state, even though Levi could hear the sad undertones. "Erd said you killed a variant type that was taking longer to dissolve than others. Let's see about that, shall we?"

"Go ahead," Levi said, pointing her in the direction he'd come from. "I just want to check something."

"See you there, then."

Levi watched her leave, the usual bounce in her step missing as she attempted to leave her grief behind. Levi was jealous of her – always able to change tones so quickly, keeping her head on her shoulders in battle and in sense. Levi's rage often got the best of him, and yet again he was glad to have her to keep him in check.

Levi returned to the step, picking up the doll and examining it. It was a simple thing, made out of an old sack with mismatched buttons from Hange's own uniform for eyes, and brown yarn for hair. It was unevenly stitched but worn and tired, as though it had been loved and played with often. Levi frowned at the doll and it's useless sentiment, but nonetheless slid it into his coat pocket before heading back to base camp.


	6. What Are Friends For

**Sometimes Levi would rather break his leg all over again than deal with Hange, Erwin, and Petra. Other times . . . well, sometimes you just have to grin and bear it.**

 **Last chapter for tonight! I hope you all have enjoyed these last three chapters, and I'll be adding more soon!**

"Pants off, Levi."

Levi sighed in annoyance but stood, unbuckling his belt. "We just did this."

"Last week, yes," Hange agreed as she opened her first aid kit. "All the way off, Levi – I can't see how your leg is healing if you're wearing clothes."

"If anyone walks in on us we'll be in a compromising position," he grumbled, stepping out of his trousers and folding them neatly before laying them on the table.

"Everyone already thinks we're screwing, so it won't matter," Hange said, not looking up from her clipboard. "Hop up on the table – do you need a step-stool?"

"Hilarious," he snapped in annoyance, sliding onto the table. Hange grinned and put her clipboard down, lifting his ankle and examining it gently.

"Well, the swelling is up again," she frowned. "I told you to stay off it until the swelling was completely gone."

" _Tch_. Must have slipped my mind – _ack_!"

"Still tender to the touch," Hange said innocently, scribbling on her clipboard.

"That wasn't a touch, shitface, you pinched me."

"The swelling in your knee, however, is almost completely gone," Hange said, pressing on the back of his knee gently and nodding approvingly when his reflexes reacted normally. "That's very good news. Are you doing your exercises when you wake up and before you go to bed?"

"Of course, right after I finish my evening ballet routines."

"Joke all you want, Levi," Hange replied, returning to her clipboard again. "If you don't put forth some effort to heal, you won't. It's that simple. It's why your wrist never healed properly when you broke it a few years ago."

"My wrist is fine."

"Sure, that's why you pour your tea with your left hand now," Hange retorted, and Levi was to argue but, as always, she was right.

"Hips?" she asked, but Levi was still trying to think of a comeback for the tea thing. She snapped her finger in front of his face and he glared. " _Hips_?" she repeated forcefully.

"They're fine!" he snapped.

"That would be a lie," Erwin said as he entered the room. Levi huffed. "He's been limping since yesterday morning."

"I thought as much," Hange nodded, writing that down as well. " _Ah-ah!_ Levi, keep the pants _off_! I still have to wrap your knee and ankle!"

"Fuck both of you, I have a training session," Levi said, unfolding his pants.

"I gave it to Petra," Erwin said, snatching Levi's pants from his hands and tossing them onto the counter behind Hange. Levi glared at his Commander, wondering how many different ways he could make his death look like an unfortunate accident.

"Those brats aren't going to listen to Petra," he argued.

"As a matter of fact, they're reacting brilliantly to her," Erwin said, crossing his arms and leaning against the door. It was a look of relaxation, but Levi knew he was just blocking an escape exit. "Especially the girls."

"Well then they're idiots. And you're idiots. Give me my pants."

"Sit still or I'll have to sedate you," Hange sang, and Levi had a flashback to getting a tranquilizer dart in the ass last time he didn't show up for a checkup. Crazy bitch.

"My leg is fine," Levi sighed, trying to sound reasonable. "Really. The help is appreciated but unnecessary. It looks worse than it is and – _ahh_." He let out a relieved, relaxed breath as Hange suddenly smeared an odd smelling salve on his ankle. "What – what's that?"

She looked smug. "Just a little numbing agent I made from some of the indigenous plants I found growing outside the castle. But if your leg is fine I suppose you won't be needing any . . ."

"Well, maybe a bit more, then."

Hange's smug look grew even smugger as she gently massaged it into his ankle. She moved to his knee and Levi felt better than he had in months. He closed his eyes and let Erwin and Hange continue talking as he enjoyed the sensation of numbness.

"Looks like someone is feeling better!" Petra exclaimed, and Levi's eyes snapped open.

" _Pants!"_ he snapped at Hange, and Petra waved her hand dismissively.

"It's okay, Sarge," she assured him. "I have four little brothers. Nothing I haven't seen before! I'm glad you're feeling better. I just came by to check up on you and bring you some tea." She set the steaming cup on the table beside him.

"Might as well invite the entire Regiment in to see me without my trousers," Levi grumped snarkily, laying back on the table as Hange began to tightly wrap his ankle while it was still numb. "Should we send a message to the inner walls and invite them, too? Wouldn't want anyone to be left out."

"That's funny, Sarge," Petra laughed. "Your trainees are doing well, but I think they miss you. They all want to know when you'll be back."

"Tomorrow," he said.

"Next week," Erwin corrected.

"Next _month_ ," Hange insisted.

Petra smiled. "I'll just tell them soon. I'd better get back. Bye!"

She left, and Erwin gave Levi a look.

"Fuck off with that look, Erwin," Levi grumbled.

"I don't get it. There is a perfectly wonderful, beautiful, young woman who is obviously interested in you and you just completely ignore it. You're not getting any younger, Levi."

"I'm fucking Hange."

"Oh, don't start that again."

"He's got a point, Levi," Hange agreed as she finished bandaging his ankle and moved to his knee. "Petra likes you. If you won't peruse Eren or Erwin, Petra is your best bet."

"For the love of Sina, what are you talking about Eren?" Erwin demanded.

" _Nothing_ ," Levi snapped. "Hange is a shit."

"Well, either way, _I'm_ not sleeping with you," Erwin said, crossing his arms. "You should talk to Petra."

"Drop it," Levi said dangerously.

"Do you want some of this salve for your wrist?" Hange asked, scooping some of it into a jar and screwing a lid on. "Word of advice – don't ingest it."

Levi narrowed his eyes.

"Just in case," Hange said innocently. "You can put your pants back on."

"About damn time," he said, grabbing his pants and pulling them up. "Are we done here?"

"Sure," Hange shrugged. "Take that salve and apply it before bed. Sleep without your foot wrapped and come back here in the morning for me to re-wrap it. Drink plenty of fluids and try and stay off that leg – I gave you a crutch, and I'd better start seeing you use it."

"Do as Hange said," Erwin said. "That's an order, Levi."

"Drink your tea and get out of here," Hange said. "Dinner, Erwin?"

"I'm starving."

The two left, and Levi glared at them as they left. As he sipped the tea, though, he had to admit. They were titan-sized pains in the ass, but they took care of them. He smirked to himself and quietly thanked whoever was listening for his friends.


End file.
